Alive
by EvilRegal10
Summary: He thought he had lost her forever. He thought he was never going to see her again and it was destroying him. It was killing him. It was taking everything from him. The strenght and the will to live as well. But just when he hit rock bottom, she saved him.


For the past year she had been dead.  
Dead to him.  
Dead to her daughter and her mother that barely remembered her but still asked for her in those rare moments of clarity.

She was gone and she had taken a piece of him with her.  
Something that he was never going to get back and never going to be able to build again.  
A piece of him was forever gone.  
In the wind.  
The same wind that brought the sound of her death to his ears.  
With her, that piece of him was gone.  
With her, part of him died.

Never once, in the past year, he had looked at another woman.  
He didn't even think about looking at another woman.

Raquel was everywhere even if she wasn't there.  
She was everywhere.  
And nowhere.  
Raquel was gone but never left him.  
Raquel was in front of him, but he couldn't touch her. Sometimes he would see her.  
Sometimes he really would see her and he refused to blink until his eyes became sore and dry because he knew that if he didn't blink, she'd stay there.  
Right there.  
In front of him.  
With her bright eyes and sincere smile.

And then, just like that, she was gone again and he was left in the coldness of loneliness.

He loved her.  
He really did.  
And everyday he wished he didn't let her go with them.  
She was supposed to be alive, watching her daughter grow up and become as amazing as she was.  
If anything, he was supposed to be dead.

He couldn't stop thinking about their fight, where she told him that he had screwed up her life.  
What he told her after, that he was in love with her, wasn't enough.  
He should have told her every day.  
After every single kiss.  
After every single hug.

He should have screamed how much he loved her at the top of his lungs because that was the least he could do after she let him ruin her life.

So here he was, on the beach, sitting on the seashore, letting the water wet him with his clothes on.  
It didn't matter.  
He didn't care.

On the contrary, it gave him a sense of contentness because that's what they did. He couldn't even count the times they had swam in the ocean fully dressed as a result of a spur moment of love and spontaneity.

Here he was.  
On the seashore, his clothes on.  
Thinking that he killed her.  
He didn't pull the trigger.  
But he killed her.  
He killed in the exact moment he offered her his phone back in Madrid so long ago.  
He killed her when he asked her to follow him.  
He killed when he brought her along.

He shouldn't have let her.  
He should have kept her safe.  
That's what he was supposed to do.  
He had to keep her safe.  
That was his one job.  
Keep her safe and bring her back home to her, _their _daughter.

But he failed.  
He failed her.  
And he failed Paula.

Sweet, innocent Paula that was now forced to be raised by the man that had her mother killed.  
A man that loved her to pieces and that promised himself that not a single hair on her head would ever be touched. But still.

So here he was.  
On the seashore.

Crying his eyes out and strangling the sobs that treathened to come out, hitting his forehead with his hands because he was stupid.  
Because he was angry.  
Because he loved her and missed her.  
Because he was losing his mind.  
Because he saw her but she wasn't there.  
Because he saw ghosts and fooled himself that they were real just because it was easier that way.

He felt like his chest was on fire and the more he tried to breathe the more the flames burned him from the inside.

He missed her so much it hurt.  
Physically and mentally and in any other way it could hurt.

"Sergio" he heard a broken voice from behind him.  
From the pain he felt in his soul and heart.

It was her voice.

He closed his eyes, shut them so hard it was painful, and covered his ears with his hands.

"Sergio!"

He could hear her call him over and over again.  
He thought he had completely lost it.

He started sobbing and screaming "No! It's not real! You're not real" his whole body was shaking and he was out.  
Out of his own body.  
He was there but he wasn't.  
He was too deep in his own mind to realize that two arms had embraced him.  
He was too lost in the darkness of his pain to feel the warmth of that chest.

He didn't realize that his body was being rocked to calmness.  
He didn't feel the hands that were cupping his head and the fingers that were running through his sweaty hair.

He didn't feel it.  
He didn't feel anything.  
He hit rock bottom when he didn't feel even the pain.

Eventually the crying stopped and he started being aware of his surroundings again.  
He rose from the body that was holding him and felt like fainting when he saw, right in front of him, Raquel.

She was smiling.  
Her smile was wet from the tears she had just cried with him.  
He looked her whole form.  
She was on her knees, in the sand.  
In the water.

His eyes traveled up again and met her face again.

"Sergio" she whispered and he didn't say anything. He couldn't bring himself to speak, to blink, to breathe.  
He didn't know what to believe.  
He didn't know what to do.

He was scared of reaching out and try to touch her because he didn't think he could bear realizing it was all in his mind, once again.

"Sergio, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here" she said.  
He didn't believe her.

He stood still.  
Without moving.  
Without speaking.  
Without daring to hope.

"Sergio, my love" she insisted and caressed his face "It's me"

His eyes were lost and he shook his head.  
It was impossible that she was there.

A single tear left his eyes and he blinked.  
Once.  
She was still there.  
Twice.  
She was still there.  
One last time.  
Still there.

Slowly his hand started reaching forward. Up.

His trembling fingers, after what felt like hours, met her skin.  
In that moment Sergio's body relaxed.  
It looked like it was about to collaps. But it didn't.

His eyes just looked relieved.  
Less scared.

He was touching her.  
Her warm skin.  
Her beautiful face.

She was there.  
She was really there.

She was _alive._

"Raquel" his voice was broken, barely above a whisper.  
Her face broke into a smile and her hand cupped the one on her cheek "I'm here, love"

He still looked shocked.  
Like he was trying to understand what was going on.

"You…you were dead" he almost cried.

"They wanted to make you believe so. To weaken you. To beat you. To make you give up"

"You're alive" he was amazed. He couldn't believe what was going on.  
What exactly was going on?

She smiled "I'm alive" she said and then he launched at her and kissed her.  
He felt every single inch of her body against his own.  
He took her in his arms and held her impossibly close to him because he needed her.  
He needed to feel her to believe that she was there.  
He poured all the pain, all the desperation and hurt and all the love and adoration that body had been holding back for so long in that kiss.

She let him heal her wounds with his kiss and his touch.  
She finally broke down in his arms, after fighting for so long without knowing what would happen.  
How she'd find him and how she'd go back to him.  
To _them._

A sob escaped from her throat so they broke the kiss. Sergio cupped her head and gently pushed it on his chest. Another sob shook her body while Sergio cried his own silent tears.

He felt her body shake from the sobs and ran his fingers on her back.  
He could feel her bones.  
She was so skinny.  
Boney even.

That's when it hit her completely.  
She had been tortured.

That made him hold her tighter "It's okay" he said through his own desperation and tears "It's okay" he repeated while stroking her long honey locks.

"It's okay. You're okay" he said "You're okay. You're alive" it was a mantra.  
For her.  
For him.  
For the both of them.  
He was trying to give her strength and he was trying to tell himself that she was truly safe.  
Sound.  
Okay.  
Alive.

"You're alive"

"It's over" his voice broke again because it was over for real. For her especially but for him as well.  
"Raquel, Raquel" he pushed his chest out a little so that she would look up, he cupped her face and looked at her "It's okay" he said.  
His tone was strong now.  
Convinced.  
Almost happy.

"It's over now. You hear me? You're safe" but the emotions were too strong and too many, the strength in his voice didn't last long, it became a broken whisper once more but his eyes were fierce.  
And strong.  
And in love.  
Completely in love.  
And completely determined to fix everything.  
Her.  
Him.  
Them.  
Everything.

"It's okay to be okay" he said while his thumb stroked her cheek "We're going to be okay" he pushed her in his chest again "You hear me? We're going to be okay"

A sigh of relief left his body.

Finally the flames of pain had gone out.  
He was breathing again.  
He could breathe the sea gain.  
He could feel the air filling his nose and his lungs.  
He had her in his arms.

He didn't know how.  
He didn't know why.  
He didn't even want to know right now.  
There was no space for that.  
All the space was for her and her only.  
For her right now.  
Everything else would come later.  
Little by little.  
In time.

But not now.

Now he only cared about the fact that he was holding her.  
And she was squeezing back.

He could only care about that.

"I missed you" she cried "I missed you so much" she was holding on so tight because if for brief moment she had had to be the strong one to hold him, now she had completely fallen apart.  
She was broken.  
She had been tortured and abused.  
She felt dirty.  
She felt every single crack in her soul and body.

But there, in his arms, she knew she could be healed.  
There, in his arms, she knew the wounds would heal and the ice would melt.  
In his arms, she knew the rain would stop and the sun would shine.

There, in his arms, she knew she was safe.

They stood in the sand, with the waved coming and going for so long they didn't even know how much.  
But eventually she calmed down.  
And he did as well.

They stood there, in the embrace, no more tears left to cry.  
No more pain and sobs to let out.

They were there.  
Holding onto each other and breathing.  
Breathing the life they were just given back.  
Breathing their second chance.

His hands were still travelling on her back.  
Her cheek was on his shoulder.  
Eyes set on the ocean because she knew she was free and she felt it too.  
But seeing it was even better.  
And looking at the endless ocean was the best kind of way to witness her freedom.

His eyes were closed.  
His cheek on her head.

"Come with me" She slowly rose her head, confused. Where? She wasn't ready to leave.  
She was dying to see her daughter and her mother, of course.  
But she couldn't.  
Not yet.  
She had to pick up the pieces first.  
Or at least look like she did.

"I don't want to. Let's stay here" her voice was hoarse.

"Let's get in the water" he said. "Come on" he slowly got up but never let her go. He brought her up with him, letting her lean on him and he slowly walked in the water with her in his arms.  
The whole time.  
He never let go.  
And she didn't either.

They held onto each other while floating in the ocean.  
They let the ocean revive their senses.  
They allowed the salt to make their eyes burn.

"Hold your breath" he whispered while she rested her cheek on his shoulder. He got underwater and emerged after a couple of seconds.  
The bubbles he made with his nose made him feel capable of living again.

Her legs were tight around his body and his arms circled her entirely.  
He lovingly pecked her wet, salted neck and shoulder.  
There was nothing sexual about that.  
It was all about intimacy, closeness.  
It was pure affection.

She raised her head and looked at him, with a hand she moved his hair away from his face and chuckled.

"What?" he asked, while slowly moving in the water.

"You're so handsome" she whispered. Her voice completely in love and awe in front of the man of her life.  
The man she loved and stayed alive for.

"You're alive" he said.  
His whisper was filled with pure and utter astonishment, like he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

"You're a miracle" he said in another whisper "A true miracle" his eyes filled again with tears and the hand that was playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, moved to his cheek, wiping the tear away.

"Your hand is wet" he said.  
After a couple of seconds they bought bursted out laughing.

She wiped away a tear and wetted him even more.

It was silly right?  
It was funny.

But it was a miracle.

And they laughed at the irony of that.  
At the irony of life.

They laughed because they never thought they'd do that again.

"Come here" he said with his warm and low voice. She got closer. Their noses touched.  
She closed her eyes.  
He didn't.

He looked at her.  
At every detail of her face.  
He looked at the drops of water falling down from her hair and lashes.  
He took her in.

"Look at me" he said.  
She opened her eyes and met his gaze.  
Bright.  
Completely different from the one she saw not so long ago.

"Marry me"

She laughed.

"Because I swear to God, I'm not letting a day go by without loving you. Without letting you know and feel just how much I love you. I love you with my heart and soul. With everything. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you. Because I didn't do enough the first time but I'm not wasting this second, miraculous one. And the first thing I want to do, is marry you. Because I want to start over. I want to do more. I want to do better. For you. And for Paula and for the future we get to have. So, Raquel Murillo, marry me. Be my wife. I swear to you, I'll make up for everything. Every single thing. I swear you'll never regret choosing me again. I'll protect you. I'll protect you with my life, like I didn't do before" he stopped for a second, his arms strong around her waist "Marry me" his voice broke.

She bit her lip, trying not to cry, and shook her head.  
Such a silly man.  
Right when he thought she was going to crush and break his heart, she started laughing and covering him in kisses "Of course I'll marry you" she exclaimed and he smiled in relief "Well! Next time don't shake your head"

She laughed but still kissed him "You're so silly" she said in the kiss.  
But then she kissed him properly.  
She thanked him.  
She went home.  
And he did as well.

A sweet, intimate, slow kiss.

"You really thought that after all this mess I'd say no?"

"You shook your head Raquel! For a moment there you had me"

She laughed "If I could, I'd merry you right now. Right here"

"Sounds good, right?"

"What?"

"Marriage"

"It sounds as the best thing" she said, heart in hand.

"It really does" he looked at her, still amazed. He was never going to stop looking at her. How could he?  
After he had thought she was gone forever, he was never going to stop admiring her.

"I'm scared that I'll wake up and you'll still be gone. I'm scared this is all in my mind" he said.  
Vulnerable.  
Exposed.  
Fragile.  
Broken.

"I'm here" she said, cupping his cheek "I promise, I'm real. It's not e dream"

Fresh tears fell from his eyes "I was losing my mind. I don't think I would have made it. I-" his voice broke. He couldn't go on.  
It was too much.

She kissed him.  
A delicate kiss.  
As if they were made of glass.  
It was just lips on lips.  
Nothing more.

But it was warm.  
And sweet.  
And it was calming.  
Soft.  
Soothing.

"We'll be okay" she rested her forehead on his "And everything's going to be so perfect. You'll see. We just need a little bit of time to bet back on our feet"

"I love you so much" he said in a broken sob.

"So much Raquel. So much" She smiled and caressed his face "And I love you" she replied.

"We're going to be okay" he said.

"Everything's going to be okay"

He looked at her.  
She did the same.  
He held her a bit tighter.  
She hid her face in his neck.  
And they waited.  
For the storm to pass.  
For the reality to set in.

The sound of the ocean lulled them while their hearts found their rhythm again.

She was alive.  
Everything was going to be okay. 


End file.
